Harry's Journey (April '10)

My childhood was not happy or loving due to gambling and drinking in the home which led to arguments and the usual things. I enjoyed playing football, morning, noon and night, and just got on with life the best I could. I seemed to build a wall around myself to protect myself against hurt or feelings of being unloved.

At 12yrs of age, my mother tried to commit suicide and was taken into hospital. This continued throughout my teenage years, leaving me to cook and look after myself, as my dad was distracted by these life events. This made me quite defensive and I would get into fights at school. I seemed to ‘switch off’ emotionally and just got on with my studies, gaining 7 O’Levels before leaving school at 16yrs – university was not an option!

I worked at a variety of places and enjoyed going for a pint with mates and going clubbing. By aged 19years, I met a girl who showed me love and we married and bought a house– I just thought, why not! Then, my wife had a miscarriage and was devastated but my emotional shut-down did not allow me to help her and I had not had any experience of the grief of losing a loved one. Then we had a lovely daughter and I was a doting Dad. This was followed by two more children, a spell of an in-law living with us and 2 extra jobs to help us cope financially. By this time, I was beginning to feel out of my depth but just got on with things, shutting my emotions down! We sold our house but the sale on the house we were buying fell through and we ended up with the in-laws. During this time, my wife took the children and left me and I had to leave the in-laws house to go to my parent’s home. Our separation was not an amicable one and I just tried to keep good relations with the children. However, inside I was upset and angry.

Then my mother lost her battle with cancer after some time and my father put the family home up for sale. Her funeral highlighted some differences between Protestant and Catholics and this made me feel that religion was bigoted and pointless. In 4 months I had lost my family, my mum, my home and savings – I was penniless and broke! I had never been a quitter and decided to pull myself together and fight.

I managed to get a better paying job and bought a 1 bed starter home; and then I met a lady, (through the love of apple turn-overs!) who became my second wife. After moving jobs, we earned good money, took 2 holidays a year and saved again – life was good!

After more jobs and businesses, I started a new business which soon got busy and we hired a secretary who was efficient and organised, but also there was something that just stood out about her. On one occasion she mentioned that she was a ‘born again’ Christian. After talking about church and hypocrites, she asked me what made me think I was a Christian and I told her because I believed in God! She then asked me where I thought I would go after I died - I replied, Heaven – she asked what made me think I would go there. I said I supposed God would weigh up your good deeds against your bad ones and let you in if good outweighed bad! She took out her Bible and showed me that the only way to God was through His son, Jesus and you must confess your sins and believe in your heart that he died for our sins and rose again: and if I prayed the believing prayer of salvation, I would be born again, receive the Holy Spirit and go to heaven after death. I went home and thought about it and 3 days later, I gave my life to the Lord Jesus. I did not feel any different but just knew that a change had begun in me that I could not really explain.

I decided I had to go to church and one Sunday went to Kingsway Christian Fellowship and my wife came with me, out of curiosity. We were greeted and welcomed by several people and we sat at the back of the church. I enjoyed it and we went for a cup of tea afterwards. I still come to Kingsway and am continuing my journey with Jesus!

I have a theory that although my life crumbled at that time, God did not cause this but he did allow it as he wanted me to come to him so he could deal with my emotional wall and hard heart. Although my heart was broken, He gave me a new heart. I believe that Jesus has always been with me and just waiting for me to ask Him into my life and I thank God that He did. All that I had lost has been replaced with better things. I have a good relationship with my kids and have 5 grandchildren, a good wife, a business and a nice home, but more importantly, a relationship with Jesus.